Day 1

Day 1 - Numbness

Strange day today, almost missed the morning's texting frenzy.

Took Jake to sprint training at the Mountbatten Centre in the pouring rain, only to find out it wasn't on because of the Race/Relay for Life! Ummed and ahhed for a while then got £40's worth of KFC to take round Mum's for everyone which was devoured quickly !! Jo and Jo had gone round early this morning with an impromptu delivery of tea and biscuits as they guessed there would be a lot of visitors today - beautiful thought. :) I keep thinking that Jo L must be a secret axe murderess or something sinister somewhere along the line as every time I meet her I just get this overwhelming sense of niceness and good - not in a sickening Judy Garland sort of way but just a really, really nice person !!

Anyway, munched food, went shopping and went home only to have to go back again for Heather's stuff as Nat is staying round tonight. Four hours later and there is a problem somewhere so H is back off round to do her stuff. Angie got in a bit of a strop about it but it's the pressure of the O2 on top of everything else.

Must say that throughout this whole experience, Heather has been absolutely fantastic and has been put it more situations and stressful conditions than anyone should endure and has been a rock at all times. Just her presence has been a comfort I think, let alone the fetching, carrying, helping out and company! Don't get me wrong; Karen, Michael, Mary et al have all been fantastic but if there was a man-of-the-match award, I would have to give it to Heather - incredibly proud, humbled and feeling guilty that I can't afford or imagine any gift I can get her to show how I feel or how much good she has done.

Angie off to the O2 at 05:30 in the morning, had a sudden panic attack about it all. Heather and I metaphorically slapped her around the face and put her straight. Big day and she's gone through most of it with little support from us as it is school thing but I think they'll do well if the nerves don't get to them all :)

So yeah, a strange day of mixed emotions and general numbness. Sadness that Dad is no longer with us, happiness that his suffering was short and is over, guilty,selfish happiness that my pain is lessened, bewilderment and anger(?) that his demise was so quick - almost as though we have been cheated of our chance to suffer the full horror and grief - very weird. Kept hearing his voice and thinking I saw him as well - doubly weird, it really hasn't sunk in yet and you almost feel that it is compulsory not to move on but to grieve uncontrollably. Gonna take some getting used to I think.

There endeth Day 1 AD (After Dad). :(