Day 15

Day 15 - "probability factor of one to one...we have normality"

And there we are. Two weeks after the event and less than a month since this whole saga began - Feels wrong to act as though nothing has happened.  A part of me still wants to grieve, to perpetuate the pain and the heartache, to wear a black armband with pride and to recount tales of times past but the difference now is that I have to go looking for these feelings - like an actor remembering a lost, loved one to tap into the emotion and produce genuine tears on demand, in stark contrast to the past weeks where emotions just crashed down upon you at any opportunity, one triggering another then another until you hit sensory, emotional overload and crumble.


A grey and overcast sort of day today, Jake off to training at Mountbatten in preparation for this weekend's Southern Champs event in Ashford, so I wander along the shore and take some more pics and have a play with different apertures and effects. Depth of field is shockingly small at 120mm, even at f22 but there are some nice reflections to play with.

Back home for online, weekly shop, Hungarian F1 Grand Prix qualifications (Vettel, Hamilton, Button, Massa, Alonso, Webber) - Hamilton shining but for a stunning last lap by Vettel, then off out for KFC and Tescos - normality has definitely returned. Jake in typical belligerent, annoying mood, winding Angie up throughout - He still hasn't grasped the concept of being nice and playing the game as he wants to go to a party tonight but boy, does he make it difficult !! Tony round for tea, some nice steak ruined by bad cooking - concentration not entirely back to where it needs to be.

Tony off home, night-nurse Heather at her post and Jake has followed instructions for once and found a quiet place to receive my phone call - maybe he is  learning after all. Fall asleep at my desk trying to update my timesheet and upload photos and wake to the sounds of Angie having a loud and illogical conversation with Jake about a teenager's favourite tipples of Strongbow and Lambrini. She expects me to wade in to support but her drunken logic makes any sensible admonishment impossible and wildly hypocritical !! He seems ok but I do worry that the importance of his image to his peers will overcome any common sense without too much trouble :(